Goodbye, Pumpkin Pie!

An original Thanksgiving tale to be read aloud to kids from dads.com

Year after year after year I go crazy! Every Thanksgiving I sit with the babies!
It's the little kids' table; The table for tots, Where my mom makes me sit If I like it or not.
The table for grown-ups Is fit for a king, With goblets And giblets And gold napkin rings,
And bread rolls and salad And dressing with drippings, One glass just for drinking, And one just for sipping!
But here all the kids Drink from Styrofoam cups, We eat small turkey bits That our moms have cut up.
Our plates are red plastic And so are the spoons, And we eat by ourselves In a small dining room.
I have dozens of cousins Age one and age two Whose Thanksgiving feast Is a greenish-brown goo.
They slop up their faces With vegetable mashes And after they drink They all have Milk mustaches.
They urp, And they burp, And they belch And they gulp; Oh, why can't I sit At the feast for adults?
All the mooshing And mashing And smooshing And gnashing! I put down my fork And I thought about fasting!
I'd never eat turkey Again in my life! Never pick up a fork! Never pick up a knife!
I'd fast like a mountain-top Indian swami; I wouldn't touch mustard Or bread Or salami!
"I'll never eat mushrooms "Or green beans "Or squid! "And I NEVER will eat "At the table for kids!"
"What's wrong?" asked my mom, She was pouring some drinks; "You haven't touched dinner... "Not one single thing!"
She straightened the napkin Tucked under my chin, She gave me a hug As she pushed my chair in,
She cut up my turkey bits Two sizes smaller, She held up my glass, "Have a sip of some water!"
She dished up a spoon Of potatoes and gravy; My mom tried to feed me Like I was a baby!
Well, my face turned as red As the rhubarb pie filling! I quick turned away, And my cup went a-spilling!
BOOSH! Water splashed on Mom's face and her hair, And it looked like some gravy Was mixed up in there,
Because polka dots spotted My mom's bright white dress! Her Thanksgiving suit Was a gravy-brown mess!
I should've said "Sorry!" I should've said "Oops!" I should've helped mom Wipe the gravy-brown goop.
What happened instead Is a mystery, my friends. But there's one thing for sure- - - I won't do it again!
I opened my mouth- - - Do you know what I did? I sassed my mom back Like a spoiled snotty kid.
"I can use my own fork! "I can use my own knife! "And I don't want to sit "At the table for tikes!"
"I can't stand all the gunk! "I can't stand all the gak! "I won't watch little Timothy "Eating like that!"
"He's got yams in his hair, "He's got yams North and South, "And there's food everywhere "But inside of his mouth!"
"Then there's Sarah and Icky "And Jimmy and Franz "Mixing peas in their milk! "Eating with their bare hands!"
"This is NOT what the Pilgrims "And Indians did, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT HERE "AT THE TABLE FOR KIDS!!"
Then mom said, "I think your Thanksgiving's all through, "And I think that it's time "You go up to your room."
"In my ROOM?!" my brain thought, This just couldn't be true! In my ROOM?! Why, WHY, WHY?? What on earth did I do??
My tummy got grumbly, My feet both felt stumbly, I wanted to shout, But my mouth was all mumbly.
I walked past the turkey, The dressing and trimmings, My feast was now ending Before its beginning.
"Goodbye, pumpkin pie!" I said, as I walked by it, "So long, green bean bake!" Though I never would try it,
"Farewell, acorn squash, "And potatoes au gratin! "Ta-ta, apple tart "With your whip-creamy topping!"
I sat all alone On my bed feeling hungry. It felt like I had A stone knot in my tummy.
I could still hear The forks and the knives and the spoons Clacking and clinking And scraping up food;
My sniffer sniffed smells Drifting up from afar, And on Thanksgiving Day I was sure I would starve!
So I played with my toys Then I sang a few numbers, I stood on my head To get rid of this hunger,
Then somersaults, Push-ups, I played tiddly-winks, But Thanksgiving turkey Was all I could think!
My belly growled out Like a great grizzly bear, And I knew, Pretty soon, I'd need something down there!
Anything, ANYTHING! Liver, or beets! Even heaps of Hungarian pickled pigs' feet!
"I'll eat wood like a termite! "Or flies like a frog! "I'll chew catnip like kitties! "Or shoes like a dog!"
I was just about ready To snack on my hat, When I heard someone knocking, RAT-TAT-A-TAT-TAT!
It was mom with a plate Piled high with a feast, And it didn't seem that she was mad In the least.
She set up a TV tray Right by my bed, And she gave me a kiss On the top of my head.
"You're growing up fast," She said, hiding a tear, "Won't you join the adults "For Thanksgiving next year?"

The End

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© 1992 Howard D. Fencl

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